oh..again?! already?!

Ive been having an awful lot of braxton hicks..no backache just a lot of cramps that make me stop and breathe through them, and about 2 weeks ago i lost a tiny bit of plug, ive been reassured all is normal. Last night i had a tiny tiny bit of blood loss, so this morning  i wanted to make sure all was well, anyway midwife was in the area (the nice one) and i dropped in to her clinic and she gave me an exam., apparently im  2cm dilated already! Gah, she just told me to take it easy, i have a history of this anyway, i was 2cm dilated from 28 weeks with my 2nd son , so its no biggy , just means ill probobly be suffering from lots of cramps and a plug that keeps losing bits and replenising itself..fun..ooh well will sit on my bum and knit lots more then hey?!  26 weeks and 3 days. Perhaps i ought to at least think about getting baby stuff now? 

midwifes..pah

So went to the midwifes today i dread going there because its run by two women..one who is lovely and the othr who quite frankly is an arse, the same lady who grabbed my boob and shoved it in bens mouth without even asking what my name was or telling me hers..the same woman who told me my milk wasnt good enough and to give ben forumula and we need to reweigh in a few days and get him to a pediticain because he had lost too much weight..when in fact she had misweighed him and 6 hrs later came to my house to reweigh him..by which time he had , had some forumla..thank god no real perment damange was done re my milk supply..although sewing the seeds of doubt to a new first time mummy is rather stupid of her. So you can see the reason i hate seeing the midwife as its a 50/50 chance ill get her..and well today i did.  We talked then she said i noticed you want a homebirth ..then when i mentioned the consultant wasnt too concerned about me having a home birth as id already birthed vaginally she mentioned about the fistula (which i developed due to hospital midwifes imcompetnce) she pounced on it and seemed very concerned the consultant hadnt mentioned any reacurring issues to me. "did he not mention it?..umm no i did" Then she went on to say.."well midwifes are anxious enough as it is attending a homebirth let alone a lady whos already had issues giving birth"..well YOU? are anxious attending homebirths..well bully for you..so thats it in a nutshell..she gets worried ..worried about what ? Her own capablitiys or being able to assist a woman with "issues" give birth in the way its meant to be? ..Then she said, "how do you feel about an elective section , i really think that whould be a preferable option for you given the fistula and previous section"...how i stopped myself attacking her i dont know..i had my knitting needles in my bag ..was sorely tempted :P ..I replied you know id rather give birth naturally again even if it meant developing another fistula..ill take my chances thanks" ..(seeing as she and the consultant said a fistula like i had was very rare ..then exactly how rare whould it be to get the same issue again?!)  She then proceeded to mark had fistula over about 4 different pages in my notes..even though id mentioned it to the consultant..what is the point of consultants when midwifes thinks they are in charge?..

 Trouble is now its given me the colley wobbles about my own capablitys of being to have a normal birth again let alone a home birth..so there for in that 20 minute consultantion with some divvy midwife shes already wrecked my dream by daring to infiltrate my perfect vision with her posionious negativity.   

Hum..on the plus side my pregniancy is go like a dream! Im off meat. i do eat it occasionally but its rare was even a veggie for about 2 weeks because i couldnt face it and i still can only eat chicken or a bit of fish , but im getting great pleasure in healthy foods. Ive not had any spd or irratble uterus, and no keytones either  and last week i started to get some minor heartburn although last night was quite bad. Babys laying transverse at the moment but ive had 2 days of kicking under my ribs so i know babys starting to get the idea of turning. Even the consulatnt has put in his notes "in exceptional good health" in my letter to the gp..at the moment i feel wonderfully healthy and feelings of midwife aside exceptionally happy too! ..

I have to go back on the 1st of june to the hospital for a growth scan as babys measuring on the 91st and above which i know is down to them wrongly dating me on my 12 week scan, as i can remeber the day of my lmp and when we did the deed  (cd16!) 

So im now off to google reoccuring fistulas ready to shove the info up the midwifes arse next time she dares mention that issue again!

busy!

been away but have been busy, had an awful holiday in a tiny caravan with 2 toddlers with the squits :(..anyway all was made good by..on the 12th of april dh and ben both felt luke move from the outside for the first time, on the 18th my birthday i was in the bath and saw the bump move for the first time. I have now started to get some heart burn and getting uncomfortable. We had the 20 week scan and all issues with his heart are now corrected, but they recon hes measuring on the big side, im not sure if its a dating issue, or if they have over measured or if hes just measuring big at that time..who knows at least hes healthy and happy..we had our first bout of hickups last night too, seems a lot of firsts going on in the last 2 weeks! The last 2 weeks have gone very slowely maybe because the children are off , so theres no school/nursery runs to keep me distracted, i have been busy doing lots of decluttering, and diy..im hoping to get the frount path tiled today after being unfinished for almost 10 years! 

Beautiful weather here managed to wash loads of stuff too 

Next appointment is in 3 weeks for a midwife check up .

Motivation again and cuteness

Something is definatly happening re my hormones ..woke up this am with incredibly itchy nipples..and i cant stop wanting to clean. Tile magic didnt work on my kitchen tiles so have decided to get some cheap lino from ebay and ask mum to fit it..it should make it look a lot cleaner and tidyer..no more mismatched cracked tiles..i wouldnt recommend ceramic floor tiles too anyone.  So today patch some more plaster in the loo..dust the top shelf in the bathroom seeing as the ladders still up there, start sanding my rocking chair parhaps? see if theres any wood dye to re dye the living room floor where its faded. That should do . Not too much housework to do today. Keon has taken to "watering my belly so the baby can grow like a flower" when we are in the bath together..its very cute. And ben got so excited last night when i told him the baby was halfway here. Bless him he keeps saying i love your baby mummy..i have to correct him and say no ben..the babys all of ours. My brother paul is still insisting its a girl ..even though ive told him its a boy ..hes still insiting lol. Just 5 more days then our next scan at 20 weeks god i hope all is well 7 week is a long time to worry about matters of his heart x

tired and board

So my excitement for yesterday was

paint the snow damaged patch of ceiling ..Done

black the fire in the bathroom Done

fill and paint the tiny section of fallen plaster from the bathroom ceiling where its fallen off a rawlplug i guess DONE

ive also dug out the old distemper from the bubbles that keep appering in the down stairs loo, today ill pva and fill it , i couldnt get any tiles to match my kitchen ones so im going to fill the cracks , sand and try this new tile paint..i have a feeling it wont work though..hey ho just as long as it makes my floor look nicer and cleaner. i went for a long walk into about 40 mins with both boys keon was in the buggy. Then we went and had a kfc , i had the godfather meal was yummy however im not sure if its connected but i had a very runny tummy four times during the night and in quite a bit pain..things like that allways make me wonder if the babys picked it up :(. Anyway typing what i have done has motivated me a little..hoping to get the downstairs loo painted this weekend..fingers crossed!

diy stuff...

i have to do diy in my house , this is nagging diy that hasnt been done for ever and id like ti done before baby makes in an apperence. My house is clean but looking a little care worn at the moment!.

so to do

paint the snow damaged patch of ceiling ..i hope i can just get away with that !

paint the frount and back door steps..DONE

paint the hallway skirting board and top wall

black the fire in the bathroom

fill and paint the tiny section of fallen plaster from the bathroom ceiling where its fallen off a rawlplug i guess

paint the downstairs loo

paint the downstairs utility room

put up some more little coat hooks for the boys coats so they can hang up thier own things

dig up broken tile in kitchen and replace with a nice neat step

finish front path

sand rocking chair

umm we shall see

i also have to do as its taking up space!

1 quilted/crochet blanket

1 crochet patch blanket 6 inch squares

1 crochet patch 12 inch squares

1 patchwork tablecloth

1 mad square blanket

this is not inculding the other wips i have..these are just the ones taking up  lots of space!

OOOh for fiddley flower petels

Not having a fabby day today really kids started trying to kill each other as soon as they got up ..keon has moaned no stop..But i shouldn't moan. Something horrid has happened to a fellow dia ladys baby. Its awful and tragic, and now she has to explain it too her little one. Life is horrid sometimes , and i do feel so grateful for my  i children. Going to pick up my moses basket in a second..sorted out some baby bits aww i even found a chalky bear baby grow that i kept from the boys , so i think this will be lukes first outfit . Had a bit of a sort out ..one black sack for a fellow dim08 s youngest baby ..and half a sack for charity. im defintaly nesting but im trying to stop myself..what is the point of pulling out the cupboard to scrub behind it when ill want to do it again closer to the time say in about 17 weeks..(gah scary again!) 

not much to say.

Been one of those blissful uneventful days .a.glororious sunshine..both the boys wonderfully behaved ive aboutlovely day doing a bit of crochet, watching waking the dead (keons at nursery) and talking to internet friends. Even managed to change the beds and wash all the bed sheets. Tommorrows meant to be grotty weather wise..i hope not good weather allways improves my mood. Ive looked into aqua natal classes..they start monday..eeek now its at 7.30 and the boys are in bed at 8..so this means dave will drop me off and ill have to get a bus and walk home which isnt too far. Time for me and bump will be lovely x Just started to get a bit belchy and heartburny in the last 2 days..hope its just a glitch lol..Also so far no spd..yay..had it at 17 weeks with ds2 ..so im doing well.

Yawn...

I think in fact i know ive now got to the stage where walking is getting tiring..went out from 10.30-5 yesterday came back and had to go to bed at 9.15..slept right round to 7.30 but still feel shattered..need to catch up on housework as dh and i are both lax at the weekend just do the basics so we can do family things. My skin seems to be improving greatly i noticed my back hasnt got anymore spots and they are now healing ditto my face..i keep getting about 3-4 spots and it makes me feel unattractive..so yay. Depression has definatly all gone ..yay for that! Will be pleased to tell the midwife that i definatly do not need additional help :D. Told dh id like a water birth he was really interested and thought of the best place to set up the pool..i think he just wants to play lol. So have been looking on ebay but i keep getting outbid..ooh well still 20 weeks to look.  Weighed myself this am i think im going to do this every monday..10 stone 2lb thats 10lbs on..gulp..ive checked its just under the higher level line..thats cool its within a normal range. With ben i put on 2 stone but i weighed 10stone 4lb before i feel , with keon i put on 3 stone but was 8stone 9 ..so if i only put on another stone ill be thrilled with that.  Umm thats it need to go do housework then dh and me and the boys are off to capstone park to walk around the lake and play on the slides..i love it there its so quite and not well known about..they do a daddys and boys overnight survival camp for over 5s so im hoping they have a space for benjy and daddy in june x

lovely day out

So been out to an enchanted forest was totally wonderful, we then have our cheap as chips, bargin bucket...etc sun £9.50 holiday to sunny norfolk in about umm 2 weeks? Im actually looking forward to it, going with my mum as well as she cant really afford to pay to go on holiday alone ..and why whould you anyway?  So it works out cheeper for us all to go together plus dh and her get on so well and she gets to spend a whole week with her daughter and grand sons..win win! Its in a complex with a big entertain ment centre and lots of activitys 2 swimming pools and its near the beach, it looks a lot like a haven to me, the last place we satyed at was winchelsea although i was on my own in my own caravan with the boys as dave couldnt get the time off..shame as i whould have bunked up with mum and my brother in hers..i loved winchelsea , very secluded as it was off season ..eterntainment every, night a great beach that was very windy given that it was october there was a great rock pool with star fish the size of my hand ive never seen them that big alive before ..quite moving really! That was quite a basic holiday so im hoping this ones even better..dont think ill be seeing much of mum , dave or ben though as theres a fishing lake there..plus well norfolk is huge on fishing lakes so i see them doing a few trips out. Lukes been very active today definatly getting a lot stronger kicks and movements. The boys came in at 7.20 or 8.20 corrected full of beans and very happy..ive turned into an eating machine today and am craving everything people mention.oops

Grateful for having the lurgy.

Went to bed at about 10 last night with a steaming headache..managed to fall asleep in seconds , dh got in last night about 11ish from a good bye friends work do. He fell asleep on the sofa so spent all night down there as he didnt want to disturb me by coming up at 2am when he had woken up. Bless him he is a considerate man..most of the time. The boys came in at 6.15 and i woke up obviously but felt awful sore throat, pounding head and like someone had tried to pull all my teeth out, they wanted to go downstairs straight away to see daddy , which i was more than greatful for so i went back to bed for an hr. I sorted of started to snooze off again when luke decided to wake up..i was grateful for feeling poorly this morning as i managed to get my extra time just me and beany and to make matters even better..i felt him kick me from the outside from the first time ..hopefully wont be long until dave and the boys can feel him too Thank you lurgey you made my month xx

big bear, little bear and baby bear

Woke up this morning with a bad need for porridge..so we all had it Ben loves porridge but doesn't have much patience with allowing it too cool..so i distracted him this morning  (6.30) with a spot of digging in the garden (although i was pegging clothes out on the line..digging in the dirt looked much more fun). Also woke up with very sore heavy breasts like a newborn had been sucking on them all night..ive felt like this for a couple fo days now but this morning was the worse...plus they really lookk like cows udders now !.i have a feeling my milk will restart a little soon..i had some leakage at about 23? weeks with keon, and allways had one breast that leaked but its totally dried up in pregnacy and oddly i feel a little sad my leaky boob has gone! Luke seems to like being awake very first thing in the morning which is a little sad because i get maybe 2 mins max feeling him moving around before ben and keon come bounding in..id like a little more time sometimes. Had to practice some meditation last night as before i went to bed i had a suddenly sore lower back that was painful enough to make me want to cry..it worked! So today i have planned..keon at nursery, ben at school and i have my friends 3 year old twins as well as keon from 12 then pick up ben at school and all 4 of them from 3 til 5 ish? Should be fun! so im relishing my time from 9.30 till 11.45 lol. Best get a wiggle on x

bad blogger again

Well thought its time to revive my blog again lol. Im going to do my best to blog almost everyday about my pregnancy..because id love to look back and remember..this is my last pregancy and baby so im really making the most of it..so far heres what i really want to do
Home birth
hypnobirth
lotus birth
water birth?
blessingway ceremony
BREAST FEED..very importnat to me..well they all are really

We have found out that im having a third son , im thrilled, whilst sure i wont lie a girl whould have been lovely but given the fact we have been scared witless that baby currently (or did at the 12 week scan) have a dogey value on his heart..the sex of the baby really really doesnt matter. We have since had 2 scans one was a gender scan where they couldnt tell us much about the heart..and the other was a very quick look to see the babys heartbeat at the consultant appointment yesterday ..both times the heart was observed to be firing on all four cylinders..so obviously fingers crossed at the 20 week scan on the 8th of april all will have cleared and the blood flow will be pumping the correct way. Yesterday was all fired u ready for a row with the consultant..who ive never met before ..or thought i hadnt (it turned out i had with keon) anyway he said " i see your wanting a homebirth" i replyed "yes please!" then he started quoting facts and statistics etc..but then asked me why i wanted a home birth what research had i done etc..i told him..he then replied "i can tell your an intelligent woman, whilst the "Hospital" whould prefer you to have the baby here , the risks of uterine rupture after a previous successful vbac are very minimal and its no less risky to have the baby at home than in the hospital"..so we wound up our session and he winked and said "GOOD FOR YOU"..lol..what a gent! So homebirth is back on..i told dave thats what i am having..i didnt ask..i told him. Told mum last night and she was over the moon..she had been trying to persuade me  to hb as i was a hb baby and she said it was the best and quickest i was only a 2.45 min labour and my 2 brothers where over 48hrs each !..and me being me im having a lotus, hynpo and blessingway ceremony..why?? because id love the experience..and because well..quite frankly i damn well can and too hell with what everyone else thinks.
Been lucky so far just a touch of sciatica..no heartburn , although i have had terribly upset tummy right from the word go..no reason for it i just have to go anything up to 4 times a day , midwife thinks its just the hormone relaxin..causing it, which makes sense as ive not got any spd this time so perhaps its makinf its way out in other ways. Been feeling movements since 10 weeks and more kicks in the last week..unfortunalty i have a tilited womb so its not allways as noticeable as id like. We have decided to call our little boy Luke andrew avery..because well i love the name andrew and david suggested lucas..i cant stand that name but we where watching star wars and i suddenly said luke ..(as in skywalker)..so luke it is..will be funny when hes old enough david can say in a darth vader name.."luke i am your father"..anyway enough for now that was a long post lol..will be shorter next time i promise

nearly 5 and sex ed.

My eldest ds has been making me chuckle so much lately, he's obsessed with my bump..even though ive still not told him im having a baby..he's told me i am, when ive asked him this he has said because your belly is "SO massive mummy" (gestures by sticking his no exsistant bump out as far as he can and rolls his eyes). According to him , you go to the hospital and the drs give you a baby and it hurts lots. Last night at bath time he started asking me lots of questions about how babys get in mummys tummys. Ive allways said id be truthful with him when the time comes and usually after a few questions he gets distracted by other things. Last night he asked me again "why haven't you got a willy mummy", because im a girl ben " oh yes you  have 2 bums then?" (ben calls my vagina a front bum..again not a name ive told him.)  Yes ben a front bum and a back bum. "mummy when the baby comes out it will crawl down your tummy and come out of the hatch in your front bum"..will it ben? "yes mummy..Mummy how does the baby in your tummy?" so here comes the sex ed for a 5 year old.."well daddy has seeds in his body that he puts in mummy and the baby grows and grows like a flower seed in mummys tummy , and one day like a flower it will get so big that it will pop and out comes the flower , just like the baby will get to big to stay in mummys tummy".. ds replys "ooh ok so ive got seeds in me because im a boy?" ..yes ben "sooooo are seeds like beans then?" Yes ben sort of "ooh okay can i be a baked bean then because i don't like kidney beans"..Then a 10 minute game and conversation about kidney beans and jumping beans begins. How i envy the imagination a 5 year old and innocence a 5 year old is allowed to have.

And who do you think you are?

Amused slightly by how racist some people i know are. I think they whould be horrified if the knew the truth about my background my strong anti racist beliefs. My mum is half welsh, my father is irish and has native american indian in him somewhere, he has picked up the nice skin tone , alas the only part of me that has that skin tone is my arms! The rest of me is milky white , i have natural mousy redish hair but i choose to colour it a redder shade of red as it suits me i feel, i also freckle really easily , i don't tan i go red, so i don't bother tanning as it does make me feel sick..anyway pale is interesting. My step grandad who has been married to my nan for way longer than ive been alive is an american, australian . My ex step dad was originally from Kinshasa
 in the congo but moved to beligum when he was about 10 then here in the uk when he was 18, and i have  step brothers of mixed race . My mums best friend of 40 years is half asian (indian) and is married to an asain man. ..I just wonder how on earth in a world where life and culture blurs so easily into each other people can even still be predudice without totally ostracizing themslefs? Move on people! Embraced our differences and realise how boring the world whould be if we where all the same.

neglectful me!

Haven't had proper internet access due to 1..laptop cable keepk dieing i have to hold it in with one hand and type with the other...the new cable turned up today..also just got  round to buying a battery especially will want it for summer sitting in the garden or rather wallowing like a buffalo in the kiddies paddling pool and 2..my laptop keeps turning itself off..its an overheating problem thankfully which is sorted by simply blasting cold air from the hairdryer into the vents to blow off dust . What have a been up to? not a great deal to be honest. Did some tutition at work, 12 hour day for £80 seems a bit silly, its quite intensive and involves 2 X 45 min journeys and the journey back is freezing cold , dark and hardly anyone at the station, thankfully i was rescued by a very good dim08 friend who text me to ask if we where on the same train..unfortunatly we where not but the texts cheered me up, i just felt completely vunerable..it's amazing what pregnancy does to you..and i know self defense!  Well i have a very bad desire to cast lots of knitting crochet and sewing on gah , im being so flighty and going from one project to the next have no idea why, hope to finish at least one wip today and possibly 2 more larger ones by the end of next week. I also have a terrible desire to clean clean clean! Ive not really wanted to be on the net either im just enjoying being a hermit at the moment, i like being a hermit it means nothing upsets me because i know nothing about anything, sometimes ignorance can be bliss!..whats going on with me? Still chasing up my 12 week scan appointment and im 11 weeks today, seems all i seem to be doing in this pregnancy chasing midwives. Some good news , apparently my consultant  will still advise me against it because of my previous section, however, i have it on good authority he's fairly pro home birth and all for womens choices (i accidently talked to his colleage..praise be the powers of facebook!)
so fingers crossed, although im definatly wanting one i whouldn't be stupid and first sign of any stress on the scar im off to the hossi, but oddly that old statement about wanting to moniter closely the scar whilst in labour is total twaddle because when i had my vbac i was left alone  for 45 mins - 1.30 hours a time  and if i had rang the bell and the midwife had been deylaed it whould most likely take her longer to attend to me than it whould for an ambulance to pick me up and take me to the hospital. Almost all my symptoms have gone im just now a hungery hippo and have taken to taking off my travel bands a bit at a time,  its worrying though as whilst i found the beans hb on the doopler ive not heard anything in days.  Come on scan date. Re yellow bump gahhh..i want to find out and  i don't , dh really does but i know if he knows ill just pester him until he tells me, so i think i will just find out, but not tell any family especially my mum as she will hopefully by my other birth partner..anyway im waffeling .

nb total savings towards loft conversion £1400/15,000 (this is before adding any from this months wages)..good news there our best friend works for a plumbing and timber company and will give us his card which he is allowed to do so we should get all the materials at trade + vat cost..saving a ton!

Letting go and accepting him as a little boy

Ive been coming to the scary realisation my eldest is definatly no longer a baby . He is indeed a boy . Lately he seems to have become so very independent , makes his own breakfast (and his brothers) helps with housework, makes his own bed, washes, drys and dresses himself at the sink..alone! (although i still fill the sink). He's made his own choice to move out of pants and into boxer shorts (he was given a packet for christmas and told me next time i don't want new pants i want boxer shorts..so thats what we bought him), choses what to wear etc. Last week i tried to enrol him in an after schools art and craft club, there where no places left, the other courses had places i went to put him down for the dance/drama class as i thought he whould enjoy it and the excerise..he replied "actually mummy can i do the computor lessons" . Thats when i realised he may be my little boy, but hes ultimatly his own person, with his own choices to make. Hes growing up so fast, im currently wondering where almost half a decade has gone.

15 minutes a day Can change your life

Im a fly lady. To put it in simple terms you tackle depressing areas of your house in 15 minute spurts, this can be once twice or even 4 times a day..mine tends to be just once a day. I stopped over december due to being busy with crafting for christmas, but i have started to pick it back up again. I set myself goals and make lists for things that need to be achieved that day/week or month, i also meal plan by meal planning i have knocked my weekly food bill down from £90 to £60 a week, for everything. (who says you can't eat healthy foods on a budget?!)  My mum moans her house is a cluttered tip and she doesn't know where to start. I tell her just tackle one small area at a time, ie one double cupboard , throw out or donate everything you don't need. The above book shelf in the living room was depressing me , so instead of looking at it and feeling down, i set myslef the 15 min task and managed to complete it.Tommorrow(well todays really) is to paint a small section of my chimney breast (the inside hole) so i can put a kitchen unit into it for holding all the odd cooking equipment like pans and to put all the above jigsaw puzzles in. The fly lady approach can be applied to anything in your life, learning a new technique for example, instead of looking at the whole picture and getting over whelmed, cut it down into more manageable chunks and your more likely to succeed . A baby learns to crawl before it can walk (well mine didn't they just fish flopped everywhere)

First midwife appointment and very pleased

had first appointment today and have to say i really like her..i just hope to god i get to keep her at least if not all the way through. Told her i wanted a home birth, she was supportive but doubtful weather the consultant whould let me after having a previous section with my first son, she said this is because of scar tissue rupture , but i had no qualms 2.5 years ago when i had my son and consultant was pleased with how well it had healed but homebirth is clearly marked on my notes..so fingers crossed. She also asked me if i was going to bf again and then proceded to tell me all the benefits of bf , even though i obviously already know, she said this is a new policy and there had been other changes (she seemed very pro breast feeding) the first change since having my youngest is the local hospital has decided not to give out formula and has employed breast feeding councilers instead to encourage bf, (i think we cureently have the lowest rate in bf here) but if you choose to formula feed you can bring your own in, i think this is a great start, if the formula is not so readily available maybe people will at least try bf . Ive never understood really when people say "im not going to breast feed it's not for me"..how do you know if you have never tried it? Its as simple as saying" i don't like thai food even though i haven't had it  so i won't eat it " although obviously breast feeding as much more health benefits than thai food.(much as i love thai..im not sure it could help protect me against breast cancer for example). Also the best the very best bit for me is they are employing breast feeding councilers to run along side midwifes, the councilers will come to your house a couple of times after you give birth, and are only a phone call away..we had nothing like this when i had both my sons, we had le leache which only run once a month and never answered your calls..or if they got back to you it was 3 days later..not great when your on the point of jacking it all in! Anyway im feeling positive i might actually get the help i want if i want it now..and this will be my 3rd time at it, so im thrilled for first timers, if we can crack it correctly for first timers they may hopefully pass on positive experiences to other first timers , rather than someone whos tried it and passed on bad experiences. Yay one happy bunny here!

My stash is making me angry and sick

This is approx 2/3 of my yarn stash it took up about 3 black sacks and 6 cones. I added up how much id spent on yarn and it made me a little sick when i looked at it here i realsied how wasteful my stash was too me, id often just pop into a shop and pick up a skein of something yummy then be stumped as to what to do with it. No more! I signed up for a cold sheep challenge of 4 months..normally id by yarn about every 2-3 weeks so this whould be a real challenge for me. Im proud to say ive not broken it once so far , even though ive been very very tempted with my local shops yarn sales and a friends new dye ways in her etsy shop, Ive stayed strong, i was weighing all my finished articules up until 3rd week in december id gotton to about 4600g used seeing as i mostly knit in dk which the balls usually come in 100g (the ones i use) thats 46 balls of yarn gone already. Ive also been having great fun stash busting using magic balling and wool eatting blankets (got a thing for blankets at the moment, i have 4 on the go!) Feeling a little proud to say my stash is now down to about 1 black sack and 5 cones..but i might well continue with an extra month on top of my cold sheep end of april instead of the beginning, i think i have enough to make it last! Ive also discovered i can do a lot with things i already have , and life has become more about need than want at the moment..not a bad thing to change!

Sundays are for grandad, pocket money and chocolate buttons

No photo today not sure Grandad whould like me taking one anyway. Title says it all really! Our weekends are a bit off set, Sunday is really the first day of our weekend as dh normally works on a saturdays as he gets about double overtime.  Weekend is very important in our family, we allways do something together, go to the park , and see relative or close friends, but we allways do something. Sundays are allways grandads day. My fil is wonderful warm, caring , and a true old fashioned gent with out being sexist . Hes 74, and lost his wife 6 years ago to breast cancer , he was a firefighter for 25 years and retired at normal firefighter retirement age which is i think just 55, but obviously its a very very stressful strenous job. He paid loads into his private pension fund and as a result hes quite well off. Im glad he is because i whould really worry if he just had a normal state pension weather he could afford to pay his bills etc (we whould help him out of course if needed) as it is i worry about my mum , shes 53, she doesn't think she is entitled to a state pension as she doesnt have enough "qualifying years", she looked after my elderly brother for many years as his full time carer which then you didn't get home resonsablitys protection , as you do now. I got a letter from the inland revenue last year saying i was short a few years and to make sure i got state pension i needed to pay £160 asap. Odd i thought id worked full time from 17-26 , i phoned up the inland revenue direct and ask for a statement of future prediction, i got my answer from them on the telephone which they later backed up in a letter..i have nothing to worry about i only need something like another 13 years work?  (either full or part time as long as i pay tax) to qualify, and to disregard the letter.. Gah, i wonder how many people decided to pay as they where scared? My nan has very bad rumatiod of both hands her hands are bent double on themselves and she has a lot of diffulty doing everyday things that involve her hands , she recently applied for lower dla but got turned down as she can walk, yet ironically i know people on higher rate who fought in viatnam, got scrapnel in his leg and ended up in a wheelchair..now what you don't know is said person doesnt actually need his chair anymore, he has been seen running , oddly whenever he goes to the social thats the only time he needs his chair. It makes me so cross that people such as my brother who at his worse sits in a chair and dribbles , has the mental age of an 18 month old has to fight for any fincial help yet fakers have no qualms about taking money  out of the hands of those who actually need it. I shall be watching the supposed crack down on benefit fraud with great interest.so

Messy play day

This morning was rather nice, very windy (which amused both the boys, pretending they could fly) , best of all no rain, so we went for a lovley walk to the old sweetie shop, (via the bank and p.o) then popped in to our local church that has a jumble sale every saturday, a great source for new (ish) books for me and them, toys , beads buttons yarn scraps etc etc. This afternoon not so great weather wise, after a lovely visit from my mother, it started to rain, i did fancy doing some digging in the garden, alas it wasn't to be. So in bens wise mind he decided today was a great day for crafty paints, Having got 2 thomas the tank paint your own money boxes for christmas, cool..i can sit and knit and watch them get messy. One large plastic sheet and 2 well abused paint aprons later , i left them to get on with it. The thing that amuses me is the manufacturer of such items as paint your own kits..do they honestly think it will resemble anything close to what it is supposed to?  Should i have sat down and said no! no the red doesn't go there it goes there. In my opnion they whould be missing out an awful lot, creativity, imagination, learning what colours look like when mixed together for eample, they do learn important things such as colour recognition because i automatically tell them or ask them what colour it is, its been well proven that children learn through play, which is why i choose both their play school and infant school with great care, they focus more on play than sit down at desk type regimented learning. Which is why i could never send either of them to a montossori school, Now im sure tehre are some examples of really relaxed montessori schools but having reserched this type of school fairly well, if this method of teaching is understood the way i understand it "relaxed montessori schooling" seems to go against their own teaching methods. I know for one , one around here is very regimented, im sure they do get great results but at what cost? Why can a two year old not be a two year old? Theres something about seeing a tiny toddler in a proper school uniform that makes me go a bit bandy legged, to be honest it makes me go a bit bandy legged seeing my 4 year old in his school uniform. Im keeping my children, children for as long as i can thank you!

fat lips and karma

My youngest son fell over on the way to nursery today, it bleed badly for about 5 mins , undertstandably nursery was cancelled. Looks painful doesn't it, makes me want to scoop him up and hug him and smoother him in kisses..which i have done lots. My eldest son has a scar under his lip where he did something simular which required a hospital trip and thankfully no stitches. I also have a scar under my lip, mine is quite large though. The simularity ends here. You see mine wasn't an accident, mine was done deliberatly. My father in a fit of rage threw me against a wooden stair bannister when i was not quite 3, there was other incendents of abuse but thankfully most of it has been blocked out (the mind has a wonderful defense mencanisim of blotting out evil things) . My mother i think was pretty terrified of him, and i love her to bits , ive never once felt ive missed out on two parents she has allways had enough love for both mother and father. So? i come from a broken home, so im a victim of abuse? Well you know what ? Ive never once used it as an excuse, i will allways be a surviour and not a victim. Because of the amount of love and wonderful guidence my mother shows me id like to think i have grown up to be head strong independant , loving and understanding, im in a wonderful loving relationship and have 2 wonderful children. She gave me the tools to believe in myself, that i wasn't worthless, i am deserving of love, and care and happyness. I saw my father when i was 21 after much courage and support from my partner (dh), i wanted to see him to lay my ghosts to rest, to see him through adult eyes, to see if he had regrets. I imagined a huge well built scary man, instead what i actually saw was a weak, pathetic tiny , ugly lying creature, i strongly believe my mother had given me the mental courage to see him for what he actually was . He still trys to contact me on social network sites, the time before last was to tell me he had left his 3rd/4th wife and was registared disabled as he had, had a stroke, meaning he was now wheelchair bound. I am a compassionate person and will allways be, i felt truly sorry for him, but a huge part of me strongly believes in karma, Im grateful there is one less abuser on the street. What im trying to say is for every incidident of child abuse there is allways many , many more storys of loving careing familys, which will never be told, children growing in a loving, nutruing enviroment, who hopefully will pass the good happy times onto the next generation, so they in turn will become wonderful balenced happy adults, in much the same way i feel i have become, thanks almost soley to my mother. My mum rocks.

Lifestyle choices and making postive changes

Heres my fridge yesterday. Its half way through the week and its still preety chocca block full of fruit, veg and orange juice (and dh beer!) . We adore our fruit and veg in this house , everyone including the children, both children where baby lead weaned although my second son more so than my first, so veg was quite a big part of their diet right from a young age. Don't get me wrong my eldest son went on a veg refusal diet aged 2, after much help from some internet sites , i discovered ways of hiding vegatables and after just a 3 week strike he was back to eating them. Everyone knows supplementing your diet with vitamins is preety meaningless as the tablets absorb so quickly and are prosessed so, they are no where near as efficiant as a good balenced diet, when it comes to getting our vitamin requirements. I know children who's first taste of weaning is chips (mercifully without salt), yet ironically the parents worry about the child choking on vegatables, although don't worry about the saturated fats.  The children will not and refuse to eat vegatables, but is it any wonder when the parents do not either? How is it even possible for a child to have a good balenced diet if the parents do not, if the parents are not willing to change, is it not unlikey that the children will? With  the state of childhood obesity , its time parents started leading by example and stopped blaming the children for their own short comings. Children learn from example, simple as that.

The housework fairy

Im sure every household has one, you know how somehow housework seems to get done and yet  really acknowledges it, it just gets done? Well im the housework fairy, and have been for the past 11 years. Don't get me wrong dh does more than most men when it comes to housework, but i don't think he actually grasps sometimes exactly how much i do actually do. The upstairs is dusted and vacummed once a month , the bathroom gets done once a week top to bottom, bleach and floor washed. The laundry gets washed, dried and put away everyday. The beds get changed when the laundry basket is empty which is about every 10 days.  We don't own a tumble drier or a dish washer, the plates get done 1-2 times a day, which takes about an hour including drying and putting away. The downstairs gets vaccumed every night , and polished about once a month , although the front room about once a fortnight as it gets most use, and the kitchen gets cleaned everyday, floor broomed every 2 days and washed once a week, downstairs loo done everyday. We rarly have any clutter, theres no room! I spring clean about once every 3 months. You get the idea, im preety cleanish but not over the top. When i had my first son it was unfortunalty by emergency section, i was in hospital for 6 days in total , because they thought i might be anemic even though i wasn't im just pale but they didn't listen to me or the numerous blood test results they ran, anyways i came back expecting a clean house ..i got a weeks worth of dumped washing from what id sent home from the hospital, un-made bed , and dirty kitchen and bathroom, i was pissed, but far to knackered to complain, in all fairness dh did give me a very sheepish guilty look. ..Out of all this the thing that really really pisses me off, is whenever i meet someone new , i asked "AND what do you do" when i tell them im a stay at home mum, they seem to loose interest rather quickly and walk off, this has happened a few times lately. Recently when someone asked me this i relied "im  a house keeper" which got me into a great conversation, but then afterwards i felt annoyed with myself, i hadn't lied as such just elaborated a little, after all i am a stay at home mom..And im proud to say so, if people find that boring then, quite frankly thats their problem , not mine

The school run

This is a picture of my two sons aged 4.5 and 2.5. My eldest son is now at school full time, and the wonderful school is located a mere 3 minute walk away . There is a downside, to get to this wonderful school you  have to walk down an alleyway although better know as dog poo alley in our household. The other option is to walk almost a mile out of your way down to the bottom of our road and back up the next, me being lazy i will always take the alleyway. With the recent snow the alleyway froze and didn't thaw for 9 days, that's almost 2 weeks of slipping and sliding until one day some people (an angel) had had enough and bit by bit broke up the 3 inch thick compacted sheet ice. Two local residents have recently been molested in broad daylight down this alleyway, thankfully the person was caught. There are cigarette butts accumilated in certain areas (under street lights) and im not talking about just a few. Some houses bathrooms back onto the alleyway and one loo overflow is well..constantly overflowing. Recently the alleyway coming off this one has been alley gated top and bottom which i am grateful for as it backs onto my garden and is one less security issue to worry about..however of course this only apply's if the alley gates are actually locked after use. Why am i talking about alleyways? Ive recently seen two things that have occured to me in the area as something to consider, apparently Medway council is reviewing weather alley ways are infact public rights of way or not , which means if it is not to be considered a public right of way, it whould mean being "pressed" for want of a better word onto the local residents to maintain it, I belive the whole intent of the purpose is in effect, a cost saving excerise as it would mean they no longer have to maintain it, the residents would, but would this also mean that if the residents adopt it do they get the option of alleygating this vital through road? The other thing ive noticed theres an ally at the end of my road that seems to have been unoffically adopted by a landlord of flats, don't get me wrong he's done a great job, put steps in, shingled it "framed" his sunken basement skylight with paving slabs etc, but what worrys me is what happens if some slabs where to come loose and someone got injured , who would be liable? im lead to believe the council because they haven't instructed the landlord to remove his work. The whole thing seem hypocritcal  to me, with one hand they want to get rid of the alleyways yet with the other they still want control of them, they just don't want to pay for them.