So went to the midwifes today i dread going there because its run by two women..one who is lovely and the othr who quite frankly is an arse, the same lady who grabbed my boob and shoved it in bens mouth without even asking what my name was or telling me hers..the same woman who told me my milk wasnt good enough and to give ben forumula and we need to reweigh in a few days and get him to a pediticain because he had lost too much weight..when in fact she had misweighed him and 6 hrs later came to my house to reweigh him..by which time he had , had some forumla..thank god no real perment damange was done re my milk supply..although sewing the seeds of doubt to a new first time mummy is rather stupid of her. So you can see the reason i hate seeing the midwife as its a 50/50 chance ill get her..and well today i did. We talked then she said i noticed you want a homebirth ..then when i mentioned the consultant wasnt too concerned about me having a home birth as id already birthed vaginally she mentioned about the fistula (which i developed due to hospital midwifes imcompetnce) she pounced on it and seemed very concerned the consultant hadnt mentioned any reacurring issues to me. "did he not mention it?..umm no i did" Then she went on to say.."well midwifes are anxious enough as it is attending a homebirth let alone a lady whos already had issues giving birth"..well YOU? are anxious attending homebirths..well bully for you..so thats it in a nutshell..she gets worried ..worried about what ? Her own capablitiys or being able to assist a woman with "issues" give birth in the way its meant to be? ..Then she said, "how do you feel about an elective section , i really think that whould be a preferable option for you given the fistula and previous section"...how i stopped myself attacking her i dont know..i had my knitting needles in my bag ..was sorely tempted :P ..I replied you know id rather give birth naturally again even if it meant developing another fistula..ill take my chances thanks" ..(seeing as she and the consultant said a fistula like i had was very rare ..then exactly how rare whould it be to get the same issue again?!) She then proceeded to mark had fistula over about 4 different pages in my notes..even though id mentioned it to the consultant..what is the point of consultants when midwifes thinks they are in charge?..
Trouble is now its given me the colley wobbles about my own capablitys of being to have a normal birth again let alone a home birth..so there for in that 20 minute consultantion with some divvy midwife shes already wrecked my dream by daring to infiltrate my perfect vision with her posionious negativity.
Hum..on the plus side my pregniancy is go like a dream! Im off meat. i do eat it occasionally but its rare was even a veggie for about 2 weeks because i couldnt face it and i still can only eat chicken or a bit of fish , but im getting great pleasure in healthy foods. Ive not had any spd or irratble uterus, and no keytones either and last week i started to get some minor heartburn although last night was quite bad. Babys laying transverse at the moment but ive had 2 days of kicking under my ribs so i know babys starting to get the idea of turning. Even the consulatnt has put in his notes "in exceptional good health" in my letter to the gp..at the moment i feel wonderfully healthy and feelings of midwife aside exceptionally happy too! ..
I have to go back on the 1st of june to the hospital for a growth scan as babys measuring on the 91st and above which i know is down to them wrongly dating me on my 12 week scan, as i can remeber the day of my lmp and when we did the deed (cd16!)
So im now off to google reoccuring fistulas ready to shove the info up the midwifes arse next time she dares mention that issue again!
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