neglectful me!

Haven't had proper internet access due to 1..laptop cable keepk dieing i have to hold it in with one hand and type with the other...the new cable turned up today..also just got  round to buying a battery especially will want it for summer sitting in the garden or rather wallowing like a buffalo in the kiddies paddling pool and 2..my laptop keeps turning itself off..its an overheating problem thankfully which is sorted by simply blasting cold air from the hairdryer into the vents to blow off dust . What have a been up to? not a great deal to be honest. Did some tutition at work, 12 hour day for £80 seems a bit silly, its quite intensive and involves 2 X 45 min journeys and the journey back is freezing cold , dark and hardly anyone at the station, thankfully i was rescued by a very good dim08 friend who text me to ask if we where on the same train..unfortunatly we where not but the texts cheered me up, i just felt completely vunerable..it's amazing what pregnancy does to you..and i know self defense!  Well i have a very bad desire to cast lots of knitting crochet and sewing on gah , im being so flighty and going from one project to the next have no idea why, hope to finish at least one wip today and possibly 2 more larger ones by the end of next week. I also have a terrible desire to clean clean clean! Ive not really wanted to be on the net either im just enjoying being a hermit at the moment, i like being a hermit it means nothing upsets me because i know nothing about anything, sometimes ignorance can be bliss!..whats going on with me? Still chasing up my 12 week scan appointment and im 11 weeks today, seems all i seem to be doing in this pregnancy chasing midwives. Some good news , apparently my consultant  will still advise me against it because of my previous section, however, i have it on good authority he's fairly pro home birth and all for womens choices (i accidently talked to his colleage..praise be the powers of facebook!)
so fingers crossed, although im definatly wanting one i whouldn't be stupid and first sign of any stress on the scar im off to the hossi, but oddly that old statement about wanting to moniter closely the scar whilst in labour is total twaddle because when i had my vbac i was left alone  for 45 mins - 1.30 hours a time  and if i had rang the bell and the midwife had been deylaed it whould most likely take her longer to attend to me than it whould for an ambulance to pick me up and take me to the hospital. Almost all my symptoms have gone im just now a hungery hippo and have taken to taking off my travel bands a bit at a time,  its worrying though as whilst i found the beans hb on the doopler ive not heard anything in days.  Come on scan date. Re yellow bump gahhh..i want to find out and  i don't , dh really does but i know if he knows ill just pester him until he tells me, so i think i will just find out, but not tell any family especially my mum as she will hopefully by my other birth partner..anyway im waffeling .

nb total savings towards loft conversion £1400/15,000 (this is before adding any from this months wages)..good news there our best friend works for a plumbing and timber company and will give us his card which he is allowed to do so we should get all the materials at trade + vat cost..saving a ton!

Letting go and accepting him as a little boy

Ive been coming to the scary realisation my eldest is definatly no longer a baby . He is indeed a boy . Lately he seems to have become so very independent , makes his own breakfast (and his brothers) helps with housework, makes his own bed, washes, drys and dresses himself at the sink..alone! (although i still fill the sink). He's made his own choice to move out of pants and into boxer shorts (he was given a packet for christmas and told me next time i don't want new pants i want boxer shorts..so thats what we bought him), choses what to wear etc. Last week i tried to enrol him in an after schools art and craft club, there where no places left, the other courses had places i went to put him down for the dance/drama class as i thought he whould enjoy it and the excerise..he replied "actually mummy can i do the computor lessons" . Thats when i realised he may be my little boy, but hes ultimatly his own person, with his own choices to make. Hes growing up so fast, im currently wondering where almost half a decade has gone.

15 minutes a day Can change your life

Im a fly lady. To put it in simple terms you tackle depressing areas of your house in 15 minute spurts, this can be once twice or even 4 times a day..mine tends to be just once a day. I stopped over december due to being busy with crafting for christmas, but i have started to pick it back up again. I set myself goals and make lists for things that need to be achieved that day/week or month, i also meal plan by meal planning i have knocked my weekly food bill down from £90 to £60 a week, for everything. (who says you can't eat healthy foods on a budget?!)  My mum moans her house is a cluttered tip and she doesn't know where to start. I tell her just tackle one small area at a time, ie one double cupboard , throw out or donate everything you don't need. The above book shelf in the living room was depressing me , so instead of looking at it and feeling down, i set myslef the 15 min task and managed to complete it.Tommorrow(well todays really) is to paint a small section of my chimney breast (the inside hole) so i can put a kitchen unit into it for holding all the odd cooking equipment like pans and to put all the above jigsaw puzzles in. The fly lady approach can be applied to anything in your life, learning a new technique for example, instead of looking at the whole picture and getting over whelmed, cut it down into more manageable chunks and your more likely to succeed . A baby learns to crawl before it can walk (well mine didn't they just fish flopped everywhere)

First midwife appointment and very pleased

had first appointment today and have to say i really like her..i just hope to god i get to keep her at least if not all the way through. Told her i wanted a home birth, she was supportive but doubtful weather the consultant whould let me after having a previous section with my first son, she said this is because of scar tissue rupture , but i had no qualms 2.5 years ago when i had my son and consultant was pleased with how well it had healed but homebirth is clearly marked on my notes..so fingers crossed. She also asked me if i was going to bf again and then proceded to tell me all the benefits of bf , even though i obviously already know, she said this is a new policy and there had been other changes (she seemed very pro breast feeding) the first change since having my youngest is the local hospital has decided not to give out formula and has employed breast feeding councilers instead to encourage bf, (i think we cureently have the lowest rate in bf here) but if you choose to formula feed you can bring your own in, i think this is a great start, if the formula is not so readily available maybe people will at least try bf . Ive never understood really when people say "im not going to breast feed it's not for me"..how do you know if you have never tried it? Its as simple as saying" i don't like thai food even though i haven't had it  so i won't eat it " although obviously breast feeding as much more health benefits than thai food.(much as i love thai..im not sure it could help protect me against breast cancer for example). Also the best the very best bit for me is they are employing breast feeding councilers to run along side midwifes, the councilers will come to your house a couple of times after you give birth, and are only a phone call away..we had nothing like this when i had both my sons, we had le leache which only run once a month and never answered your calls..or if they got back to you it was 3 days later..not great when your on the point of jacking it all in! Anyway im feeling positive i might actually get the help i want if i want it now..and this will be my 3rd time at it, so im thrilled for first timers, if we can crack it correctly for first timers they may hopefully pass on positive experiences to other first timers , rather than someone whos tried it and passed on bad experiences. Yay one happy bunny here!

My stash is making me angry and sick

This is approx 2/3 of my yarn stash it took up about 3 black sacks and 6 cones. I added up how much id spent on yarn and it made me a little sick when i looked at it here i realsied how wasteful my stash was too me, id often just pop into a shop and pick up a skein of something yummy then be stumped as to what to do with it. No more! I signed up for a cold sheep challenge of 4 months..normally id by yarn about every 2-3 weeks so this whould be a real challenge for me. Im proud to say ive not broken it once so far , even though ive been very very tempted with my local shops yarn sales and a friends new dye ways in her etsy shop, Ive stayed strong, i was weighing all my finished articules up until 3rd week in december id gotton to about 4600g used seeing as i mostly knit in dk which the balls usually come in 100g (the ones i use) thats 46 balls of yarn gone already. Ive also been having great fun stash busting using magic balling and wool eatting blankets (got a thing for blankets at the moment, i have 4 on the go!) Feeling a little proud to say my stash is now down to about 1 black sack and 5 cones..but i might well continue with an extra month on top of my cold sheep end of april instead of the beginning, i think i have enough to make it last! Ive also discovered i can do a lot with things i already have , and life has become more about need than want at the moment..not a bad thing to change!

Sundays are for grandad, pocket money and chocolate buttons

No photo today not sure Grandad whould like me taking one anyway. Title says it all really! Our weekends are a bit off set, Sunday is really the first day of our weekend as dh normally works on a saturdays as he gets about double overtime.  Weekend is very important in our family, we allways do something together, go to the park , and see relative or close friends, but we allways do something. Sundays are allways grandads day. My fil is wonderful warm, caring , and a true old fashioned gent with out being sexist . Hes 74, and lost his wife 6 years ago to breast cancer , he was a firefighter for 25 years and retired at normal firefighter retirement age which is i think just 55, but obviously its a very very stressful strenous job. He paid loads into his private pension fund and as a result hes quite well off. Im glad he is because i whould really worry if he just had a normal state pension weather he could afford to pay his bills etc (we whould help him out of course if needed) as it is i worry about my mum , shes 53, she doesn't think she is entitled to a state pension as she doesnt have enough "qualifying years", she looked after my elderly brother for many years as his full time carer which then you didn't get home resonsablitys protection , as you do now. I got a letter from the inland revenue last year saying i was short a few years and to make sure i got state pension i needed to pay £160 asap. Odd i thought id worked full time from 17-26 , i phoned up the inland revenue direct and ask for a statement of future prediction, i got my answer from them on the telephone which they later backed up in a letter..i have nothing to worry about i only need something like another 13 years work?  (either full or part time as long as i pay tax) to qualify, and to disregard the letter.. Gah, i wonder how many people decided to pay as they where scared? My nan has very bad rumatiod of both hands her hands are bent double on themselves and she has a lot of diffulty doing everyday things that involve her hands , she recently applied for lower dla but got turned down as she can walk, yet ironically i know people on higher rate who fought in viatnam, got scrapnel in his leg and ended up in a wheelchair..now what you don't know is said person doesnt actually need his chair anymore, he has been seen running , oddly whenever he goes to the social thats the only time he needs his chair. It makes me so cross that people such as my brother who at his worse sits in a chair and dribbles , has the mental age of an 18 month old has to fight for any fincial help yet fakers have no qualms about taking money  out of the hands of those who actually need it. I shall be watching the supposed crack down on benefit fraud with great interest.so

Messy play day

This morning was rather nice, very windy (which amused both the boys, pretending they could fly) , best of all no rain, so we went for a lovley walk to the old sweetie shop, (via the bank and p.o) then popped in to our local church that has a jumble sale every saturday, a great source for new (ish) books for me and them, toys , beads buttons yarn scraps etc etc. This afternoon not so great weather wise, after a lovely visit from my mother, it started to rain, i did fancy doing some digging in the garden, alas it wasn't to be. So in bens wise mind he decided today was a great day for crafty paints, Having got 2 thomas the tank paint your own money boxes for christmas, cool..i can sit and knit and watch them get messy. One large plastic sheet and 2 well abused paint aprons later , i left them to get on with it. The thing that amuses me is the manufacturer of such items as paint your own kits..do they honestly think it will resemble anything close to what it is supposed to?  Should i have sat down and said no! no the red doesn't go there it goes there. In my opnion they whould be missing out an awful lot, creativity, imagination, learning what colours look like when mixed together for eample, they do learn important things such as colour recognition because i automatically tell them or ask them what colour it is, its been well proven that children learn through play, which is why i choose both their play school and infant school with great care, they focus more on play than sit down at desk type regimented learning. Which is why i could never send either of them to a montossori school, Now im sure tehre are some examples of really relaxed montessori schools but having reserched this type of school fairly well, if this method of teaching is understood the way i understand it "relaxed montessori schooling" seems to go against their own teaching methods. I know for one , one around here is very regimented, im sure they do get great results but at what cost? Why can a two year old not be a two year old? Theres something about seeing a tiny toddler in a proper school uniform that makes me go a bit bandy legged, to be honest it makes me go a bit bandy legged seeing my 4 year old in his school uniform. Im keeping my children, children for as long as i can thank you!

fat lips and karma

My youngest son fell over on the way to nursery today, it bleed badly for about 5 mins , undertstandably nursery was cancelled. Looks painful doesn't it, makes me want to scoop him up and hug him and smoother him in kisses..which i have done lots. My eldest son has a scar under his lip where he did something simular which required a hospital trip and thankfully no stitches. I also have a scar under my lip, mine is quite large though. The simularity ends here. You see mine wasn't an accident, mine was done deliberatly. My father in a fit of rage threw me against a wooden stair bannister when i was not quite 3, there was other incendents of abuse but thankfully most of it has been blocked out (the mind has a wonderful defense mencanisim of blotting out evil things) . My mother i think was pretty terrified of him, and i love her to bits , ive never once felt ive missed out on two parents she has allways had enough love for both mother and father. So? i come from a broken home, so im a victim of abuse? Well you know what ? Ive never once used it as an excuse, i will allways be a surviour and not a victim. Because of the amount of love and wonderful guidence my mother shows me id like to think i have grown up to be head strong independant , loving and understanding, im in a wonderful loving relationship and have 2 wonderful children. She gave me the tools to believe in myself, that i wasn't worthless, i am deserving of love, and care and happyness. I saw my father when i was 21 after much courage and support from my partner (dh), i wanted to see him to lay my ghosts to rest, to see him through adult eyes, to see if he had regrets. I imagined a huge well built scary man, instead what i actually saw was a weak, pathetic tiny , ugly lying creature, i strongly believe my mother had given me the mental courage to see him for what he actually was . He still trys to contact me on social network sites, the time before last was to tell me he had left his 3rd/4th wife and was registared disabled as he had, had a stroke, meaning he was now wheelchair bound. I am a compassionate person and will allways be, i felt truly sorry for him, but a huge part of me strongly believes in karma, Im grateful there is one less abuser on the street. What im trying to say is for every incidident of child abuse there is allways many , many more storys of loving careing familys, which will never be told, children growing in a loving, nutruing enviroment, who hopefully will pass the good happy times onto the next generation, so they in turn will become wonderful balenced happy adults, in much the same way i feel i have become, thanks almost soley to my mother. My mum rocks.

Lifestyle choices and making postive changes

Heres my fridge yesterday. Its half way through the week and its still preety chocca block full of fruit, veg and orange juice (and dh beer!) . We adore our fruit and veg in this house , everyone including the children, both children where baby lead weaned although my second son more so than my first, so veg was quite a big part of their diet right from a young age. Don't get me wrong my eldest son went on a veg refusal diet aged 2, after much help from some internet sites , i discovered ways of hiding vegatables and after just a 3 week strike he was back to eating them. Everyone knows supplementing your diet with vitamins is preety meaningless as the tablets absorb so quickly and are prosessed so, they are no where near as efficiant as a good balenced diet, when it comes to getting our vitamin requirements. I know children who's first taste of weaning is chips (mercifully without salt), yet ironically the parents worry about the child choking on vegatables, although don't worry about the saturated fats.  The children will not and refuse to eat vegatables, but is it any wonder when the parents do not either? How is it even possible for a child to have a good balenced diet if the parents do not, if the parents are not willing to change, is it not unlikey that the children will? With  the state of childhood obesity , its time parents started leading by example and stopped blaming the children for their own short comings. Children learn from example, simple as that.

The housework fairy

Im sure every household has one, you know how somehow housework seems to get done and yet  really acknowledges it, it just gets done? Well im the housework fairy, and have been for the past 11 years. Don't get me wrong dh does more than most men when it comes to housework, but i don't think he actually grasps sometimes exactly how much i do actually do. The upstairs is dusted and vacummed once a month , the bathroom gets done once a week top to bottom, bleach and floor washed. The laundry gets washed, dried and put away everyday. The beds get changed when the laundry basket is empty which is about every 10 days.  We don't own a tumble drier or a dish washer, the plates get done 1-2 times a day, which takes about an hour including drying and putting away. The downstairs gets vaccumed every night , and polished about once a month , although the front room about once a fortnight as it gets most use, and the kitchen gets cleaned everyday, floor broomed every 2 days and washed once a week, downstairs loo done everyday. We rarly have any clutter, theres no room! I spring clean about once every 3 months. You get the idea, im preety cleanish but not over the top. When i had my first son it was unfortunalty by emergency section, i was in hospital for 6 days in total , because they thought i might be anemic even though i wasn't im just pale but they didn't listen to me or the numerous blood test results they ran, anyways i came back expecting a clean house ..i got a weeks worth of dumped washing from what id sent home from the hospital, un-made bed , and dirty kitchen and bathroom, i was pissed, but far to knackered to complain, in all fairness dh did give me a very sheepish guilty look. ..Out of all this the thing that really really pisses me off, is whenever i meet someone new , i asked "AND what do you do" when i tell them im a stay at home mum, they seem to loose interest rather quickly and walk off, this has happened a few times lately. Recently when someone asked me this i relied "im  a house keeper" which got me into a great conversation, but then afterwards i felt annoyed with myself, i hadn't lied as such just elaborated a little, after all i am a stay at home mom..And im proud to say so, if people find that boring then, quite frankly thats their problem , not mine

The school run

This is a picture of my two sons aged 4.5 and 2.5. My eldest son is now at school full time, and the wonderful school is located a mere 3 minute walk away . There is a downside, to get to this wonderful school you  have to walk down an alleyway although better know as dog poo alley in our household. The other option is to walk almost a mile out of your way down to the bottom of our road and back up the next, me being lazy i will always take the alleyway. With the recent snow the alleyway froze and didn't thaw for 9 days, that's almost 2 weeks of slipping and sliding until one day some people (an angel) had had enough and bit by bit broke up the 3 inch thick compacted sheet ice. Two local residents have recently been molested in broad daylight down this alleyway, thankfully the person was caught. There are cigarette butts accumilated in certain areas (under street lights) and im not talking about just a few. Some houses bathrooms back onto the alleyway and one loo overflow is well..constantly overflowing. Recently the alleyway coming off this one has been alley gated top and bottom which i am grateful for as it backs onto my garden and is one less security issue to worry about..however of course this only apply's if the alley gates are actually locked after use. Why am i talking about alleyways? Ive recently seen two things that have occured to me in the area as something to consider, apparently Medway council is reviewing weather alley ways are infact public rights of way or not , which means if it is not to be considered a public right of way, it whould mean being "pressed" for want of a better word onto the local residents to maintain it, I belive the whole intent of the purpose is in effect, a cost saving excerise as it would mean they no longer have to maintain it, the residents would, but would this also mean that if the residents adopt it do they get the option of alleygating this vital through road? The other thing ive noticed theres an ally at the end of my road that seems to have been unoffically adopted by a landlord of flats, don't get me wrong he's done a great job, put steps in, shingled it "framed" his sunken basement skylight with paving slabs etc, but what worrys me is what happens if some slabs where to come loose and someone got injured , who would be liable? im lead to believe the council because they haven't instructed the landlord to remove his work. The whole thing seem hypocritcal  to me, with one hand they want to get rid of the alleyways yet with the other they still want control of them, they just don't want to pay for them.